And Finally, They Came For Our Sporks

The English, long since too cowardly to trust their citizenry with firearms, have determined that in the interest of safety, citizens should also give up their kitchen knives:

A team from West Middlesex University Hospital said violent crime is on the increase - and kitchen knives are used in as many as half of all stabbings.

They argued many assaults are committed impulsively, prompted by alcohol and drugs, and a kitchen knife often makes an all too available weapon.

The research is published in the British Medical Journal.

The researchers said there was no reason for long pointed knives to be publicly available at all.

They consulted 10 top chefs from around the UK, and found such knives have little practical value in the kitchen.

None of the chefs felt such knives were essential, since the point of a short blade was just as useful when a sharp end was needed.

The researchers said a short pointed knife may cause a substantial superficial wound if used in an assault - but is unlikely to penetrate to inner organs.

In contrast, a pointed long blade pierces the body like "cutting into a ripe melon".

So now the English are going to be forced to do without melons?

Then again...

that may not be much of a change...

Update: While I mock the English on one hand, American doctors seem to agree with the knife control theory... at least for this one blogger... okay, maybe two.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 10:16 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Crapperquiddick : Fake, But Accurate...But Fake?

So we've gone from Newsweek's flushed Koran story being a supposed true story of religious intolerance that started a riot that left 15 people dead, to a fake story that didn't cause the riots that left 15 people dead, to a fake story that didn't cause riots that left no one dead.

I supposed all that is left is to tell us that Afghanistan itself was made up... Yup. It figures.

This is an archive post. Please visit the main page for more.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 12:19 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Prayers For Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

al Qaeda in Iraq is asking the Muslim world to pray for Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who they claim has been wounded, "in the path of God." I'd like to make the observation that if al-Zarqawi was in the path of god, he'd be but a burnt cinder by now, or perhaps a burnt cinder covered with boils.

Nevertheless, I am hoping that al-Zarqawi survives his wounds. I want him to fully recover, for I have other prayers for him.

I pray al-Zaraqwi leaves Iraq, and slyly retires Devon, England to jog through gorse bushes on Woodbury Common.

I pray his desire for a vacation leads him to scenic Uige, Angola.

But most of all, I pray for al-Zarqawi, stuffed on eastern NC barbeque and drunk on Manischewitz, to be caught as the "bottom" in Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee-type video with the brutish Muqtada al-Sadr. I pray that the video is broadcast on al Jazeera--just after al-Sadr is diagnosed with both Chlamydia trachomatis and an untreatable and highly-contagious form of scrapie.

Perhaps al Qaeda should be more specific in their prayer requests.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 12:01 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Michael Moore's Latest Project Thwarted

Already broken in mind and spirit and abandoned by the Democratic Party, Michael Moore's latest documentary project was disrupted in New York City by an alert citizen. "Fahrengrate 88th and Lexington" was to be produced by Moore for these guys in exchange for a stale blueberry bagel, half a hoagie, and a bottle of the "red grape wine flavor" M/D 20/20.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 12:01 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Off The Deep End

Some people seem to think that I'm a bit hard and a bit unfair on liberals, but as Ace informs us, liberals tend to bend over backwards to make stupid and arrogant statements without any grounding in fact.

Norman Mailer is a case in point:

At present, I have a few thoughts I can certainly not prove, but the gaffe over the Michael Isikoff story in Newsweek concerning the Koran and the toilet is redolent with bad odor. Who, indeed, was Isikoff's supposedly reliable Pentagon source? One's counter-espionage hackles rise. If you want to discredit a Dan Rather or a Newsweek crew, just feed them false information from a hitherto reliable source. You learn that in Intelligence 101A.

Counter-espionage often depends on building "reliable sources." You construct such reliability item by secret item, all accurate. That is seen by the intelligence artists as a necessary expenditure. It gains the source his credibility. Then, you spring the trap.

As for the riots at the other end, on this occasion, they, too, could have been orchestrated. We do have agents in Pakistan, after all, not to mention Afghanistan.

Obviously, I can offer no proof of any of the above.

I have a strong suspicion that Mailer spends his afternoons servicing blind syphilitic Filipino dwarves with a patched and worn Love Ewe while drinking Miracle-Gro cocktails to feed the potted geraniums growing out of his rectum while listening to Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute, though obviously, I can offer no proof to any of the above.

Update: This Norman Mailer is probably more reliable, and accurate.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 01:12 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Fox Squeals When Trapped

I don't care what you say Vincente, this is still an excellent idea.

And despite what you might have heard from Newsweek, while Fox did make comments saying American blacks were lazy, he did not try to flush them down toilets.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 01:30 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Journalism Safety PSA

"Guns Don't Kill People. Reporters Kill People."

Kids, remember to follow these simple rules if you find a journalist:

STOP AND DON'T TOUCH IT.
LEAVE THE AREA
TELL A RESPONSIBLE ADULT WHAT YOU FOUND

The adult should NOT touch the journalist either.

Even if the adult is familiar with journalism safety rules, the journalist should not be handled.

The journalist could be essential evidence that could be used in a solving a crime and the mere position of the journalist could be important. Not to mention footprints, fingerprints, clothing threads, blood, tire tracks or cartridge cases that might be in the immediate area.

If you are alone, remember exactly where the journalist is.

Carefully leave the area without disturbing anything.

If possible, post a sentry or responsible person to keep everyone away from the area.

As soon as possible, bring a police officer to the journalist. Don't pick it up and bring it to the police station.

Thank You.

(with apologies to http://www.savetheguns.com/safety_rules.htm)

Note: If anyone has a "Guns Don't Kill People. Reporters Kill People." tee shirt or bumper sticker for sale other their site (hint, hint), let me know and I'll link it in.

Update: Vilmar has an intersting take on this story defending Newsweak... sorta.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 11:18 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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IMAO: Cat Blog?

There is something to be said for great parody blogs.

Though this isn't half-bad, either. Besides, it's about as close as I've gotten to be on Frank J.'s blogroll so far...

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 04:51 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Moveon.org Starts New Voter Registration Drive

They're recruiting the same voter population as always, it appears (h/t: Drudge).

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 01:43 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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