Durbin's Comments Waking the Dead

Illinois Senator Dick Durbin's recent comments equating the actions of U.S. soldiers with those of the Nazis, the Soviet gulag forced labor camp system and Pol Pot's Khmer Rouge may have backfired, as fully two-thirds of those deceased veterans who voted for him in 2002 have changed their voter registration to Republican.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 06:40 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Documentarian Overboard. Tsunami Warning Issued

Via ABC News:

A major earthquake struck Tuesday night about 80 miles off the coast of northern California, prompting a tsunami warning along the Pacific coast.

It was not known at the time which cruise ship was in the area, nor how Michael Moore was able to waddle far enough from the buffet line to flip over the ship's rail.

Members of a nearby Coast Guard station are reportedly involved in an intensive search.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 12:16 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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What Democrats Stand For

...as cited by President Bush at a fundraiser at the Washington Convention Center.

(h/t: Drudge)

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Difference between Interrogation and Torture

It is interrogation when you use Christina Aguilera music to keep prisoners awake.

It is torture if you use this guy.

Listening to pop music, being made to stand a long time, forced removal of clothing and facial hair, hanging pictures of scantily clad-women around their necks--were these log books gathered from Guantanamo Bay, or just a random fraternity house?

"Torture" at Arizona State University, 1937

I'm sorry, while this stuff it is uncomfortable, and maybe even humiliating, it isn't torture.

It isn't even close.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 12:22 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Trying to Reason with Hurricane Season

It's that time of year again, and Arlene, the first named tropical storm of the Atlantic hurricane season, is churning for a Gulf coast landfall as we speak. Therefore, as a public service from a North Carolina native who's been through more hurricanes than Tammy Faye Bakker's been through makeup, I present to you:

Confederate Yankee's Guide to Dealing with Hurricane Season

Days Before the Storm Arrives

1. Move. Seriously, people in Idaho never have to deal with this crap.
2. Get milk and bread. Nobody seems to know exactly why, but I'm pretty sure it's the law.
3. Send Mama and the kids away to her folks for a few days.
4. Go to the beach and grab a seat in the dunes. Huge waves are cool to watch crashing on the beach, and if you're lucky, you can see some idiot from Quebec get swept out to sea. Screaming is funny in French.
5. Go home.
6. Throw all the crap you don't want any more in the yard. If the storm surge comes you can avoid a dumping fee, and if it doesn't, you can use all the debris to convince the guys from FEMA that it did and they'll cut you a big, fat check.

The Day before the Storm

1. Get more beer. Lots of it. If you're living in hurricane country, you might as well make the best of it.
2. Get ice. That way your beer stays cold even if you lose power for a couple of days.
3. Get one of those huge 490-quart Igloo coolers that looks like chest freezer, but bigger. It'll keep your iced beer cold, and can be used as a raft. Put it in the bass boat tied to your back porch.
4. Board up the windows of your trailer. You already have all the boards numbered from last year, so it should be a snap. Put all the crap you really need (rifles, radio, lawn chairs, cans of vienna sausages, etc.) in a big waterproof bag and tie it tightly well off the ground in a nearby tree.
5. Invite your best buddy over. Remind him to bring his cooler.
6. Wait.

Landfall

1. Sit inside and drink beer. Watch that 90-pound girl reporter from the local television news crew get battered by the wind and sideways rain while doing a live report. Take bets on whether or not the cameraman will warn her about that dumpster bearing down behind her. Wonder why he hates her so much. Giggle until you loose power.
2. Put on your lawn ‘n leaf bag and step outside for a smoke. Wow, those 100 MPH lighters really do work.
3. Go out back, get in the boat, and tie a rope around your cooler. Mount up. When the storm surge comes, you can ride that bucking 490-quart beast like a bull.
4. Yee-haw!
5. Float serenely along, drinking more beer. At this point you should have enough beer in you to “contribute to the storm surge,” if you know what I mean.
6. Empty your bladder up-current from that still-screaming guy from Quebec.
7. Thow your empty cans at, err, to him. Empty beer cans are nature's unsung floatation devices. Don't let him get too close though—he smells like piss.
8. Enjoy the ride while it lasts. Likes the French, storm surge always retreats eventually, and you'll be back on land soon enough.

Afterward

1. Climb off your cooler, hop out of the boat, and immediately start picking up full cans and bottles of beer left over from that convenience store down the street that washed away.
2. If he hasn't stopped screaming yet, an ice-cold beer should encourage “Frenchy” to settle down—especially if you catch him in the temple.
3. When he comes too, have him help pick up beers. If he refuses to work—which you should expect of socialists—simply hum a few bars of “Dueling Banjos.”
4. Deliverance needs no translation.
5. Have “Frenchy” drag your cooler back to your freshly scoured lot and then send him on his way.
6. Retrieve your rifle, radio, lawn chairs, and viennas from that waterproof bag you tied in a tree.
7. Pose for the CNN news crews that come by. They LOVE filming guys guarding nothing from lawn chairs. When Mama sees you on CNN, she and the kids will know you're “ah-ight.”
8. Have a can of viennas and a beer.
9. Wait for FEMA to come by.
10. Listen to the radio. According to the National Weather Service, you'll get to do it all again next week.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 06:20 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Crazy Cooter Comin' At Ya

I just happened to catch a CBS Evening News correspondent tonight (I released him unharmed hours later) and he revealed that many of the new suicide bombers in Iraq are far from being jihadis; they are simply unwitting citizens with car car woes.

Apparently a new insurgent tactic is to wait at car repair shops, and plant bombs in vehicles when civilians bring them in to get fixed.

Insurgents waiting for a victim...
here comes a good candidate.

By the time the customer comes back to pick up his car, it is not only fixed, it has "a little something special" under the hood. Customers drive away happy, only get a little more bang for their buck than they bargained for.

Coalition forces have released this picture of the suspected terrorist master bombmaker:

Master bomb-builder
Abdul "Cooter" al-Hassan

A suitable reward is being offered for Adbul "Cooter" al-Hassan's capture; 10,000 dinar and a date with Saudi Arabian "Am I Hot or Not?" Woman of the Year, Thamira Sittuna.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 12:02 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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