In a photo taken several hours from now, Cindy Sheehan reacts to the death of Saddam Hussein... or news that her month-long supply of Jamba Juice supply may have been tainted.

Your call.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 03:04 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 41 words, total size 1 kb.

Saving lives--even fictional lives--it's just what we do:

BAGHDAD, Iraq Dec 28,2006 (AP) - Just hours after Conservative blogger, Bob Owens expressed concern over the disappearance and fate of Iraqi Police Captain Jamil Hussein, the AP reported that a team of Iraqi police officers found Mr. Hussein inside a closet in a US military barracks, bound and blindfolded with severe lacerations over most of his body. Hussein was apparently beaten by American soldiers and will spend the next several weeks recuperating at his home in Baghdad.

[snip]

Hussein told the Associated Press that he was abducted by a group of US soldiers over a month ago after he personally witnessed them blowing up an Iraqi school bus packed with scores of Iraqi school children. The soldiers, Hussein said, tied him up, blindfolded him and then beat him with lead pipes until he could no longer walk. He was eventually found by Iraqi police officers who quickly rushed him to the AP's main office in Baghdad where he was treated for shock and eventually sent home to recuperate.

According to the AP, Hussein will take a year off from his job as Iraqi police captain to recover from his latest ordeal, but, he'll continue to work part time as a stringer for the AP.

Meanwhile, Hussein said he owes his life to Owens who alerted the AP to look for him.

I'm just glad I could help.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 09:37 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 241 words, total size 2 kb.

In a pre-execution embargoed Bob Woodward interview leaked to Confederate Yankee, Former President of Iraq Saddam Hussein made several shocking confessions, including once having his secret police, the Mukhabarat plot the murder of Maury Povich in hopes of one day possessing Connie Chung.

Saddam also confessed to a strong craving for bran... lots and lots of bran.

More as this develops...

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 06:46 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 75 words, total size 1 kb.

As I scored the top two results in this Google search, shouldn't I be getting more traffic?

And tips?

Update: Would probably be about like this.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 04:12 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 30 words, total size 1 kb.

I just a received an email that claims to show photographic proof of the Jamil Hussein/Burning Six story of the Associated Press. Make of it what you will.

Sir,



I must take issue with your attempt to discredit Mr. Jamil Hussein, nonexistent though he may be, regarding his story about six Sunni worshippers who were burned alive outside a bombed mosque. I submit for your review the attached photograph, which clearly shows a Shiite insurgent wielding a gas pump from which spouts fuel that feeds the flames engulfing his Sunni victim. The other five victims, already aflame, are visible in foreground and background amid the rubble of the mosque.

My objection to your criticism of Mr. Hussein, however, arises not from your skepticism over his claim that the men in question were actually Sunnis, or were actually burned, or were actually alive once, or were dead later, or that the attackers who did or did not do the burning were or were not Shiites, or that they did or did not burn the Sunnis who were or were not burned; indeed, I recognize all of these to be points over which reasonable people can in good faith disagree.

(click to enlarge)

Rather, I find it alarming that you fail to fail to reveal the truth that underlies this incident, if it happened: clearly, Mr. Hussein was coerced by U.S. and Israeli agents into suppressing his knowledge that the supposed Shiite incendiary insurgent in the photograph is actually a Mossad operative. In light of this fact, Mr. Hussein's pretended existence is obviously a cover designed to disguise his non-identity and avoid reprisals from the Vast Right Wing Conspirators who blew up the World Trade Center in the mistaken belief that it was actually the United Nations building.

By revealing that Mr. Hussein is not truly Jamil Hussein, but is another non-existent person of a different name, you have "outed" him, making him vulnerable to attack by the same American Jewish interests that used Valerie Plame to attack Karl Rove in order to punish Bush for his too-tepid support for the establishment of a Hebrew-only language policy in the Jew-occupied territories stretching from Brooklyn to Ethiopia. As you know, the Hasidim of Flatbush* oppose the use of Hebrew, instead preferring to use Yiddish in order to hasten the arrival of the Messiah. As this extremist party sees the outbreak of Total War between Jews and Muslims as a precursor to the divine visitation, they surely will not take kindly to Mr. Hussein's deceptions on behalf of liberal Israeli accommodationists. The accommodationists - including the aggressor in the photograph - pose as apostate Jews (though many are actually Christian Phalangist moles), and are known to be inflaming sectarian violence in Iraq. They hope that if things get nasty enough, the U.N. will step in and resolve the conflict before Iran gains dominance. They calculate that an ascendant, nuclear capable Iran would need to surrender unconditionally to Israel in order to restrain itself from launching a pre-emptive nuclear strike on Jerusalem and Tel Aviv that would, in fact, hasten the arrival of the Messiah.

In sum, you, sir, have made it impossible for the person who Mr. Hussein is not to do his work with impunity. By revealing that Mr. Hussein does not exist, you have placed him in mortal danger at the hands of deathmongering moderate Jewish Israelis and Americans whose counterespionage protocols call for the death or subjugation of all non-existent persons.

I hope you're happy.

Cordially,
Jamal Hussein (no relation)
Sandy, Utah, USA

P.S., Should you find yourself needing legal representation over this matter, I kindly refer you to my esteemed associate Ramzi al-Clarkstein Baker'sman McCarterGates. He's not Jewish, but he's still a decent lawyer.

*Note: "FlatBUSH" - mere coincidence?

I'm not certain if Mr. Hussein's claims are accurate, but his explanation sounds every bit as credible as what the Associated Press has offered up as evidence so far.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 07:05 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
Post contains 660 words, total size 4 kb.

Protesting Frank J. Fleming's controversial new book on the President—with the provocative title, "The Chronicles of Dubya Volume 1: The Defeat of Saddam" —Dr. Frank Stein resigned this week from the Fleming Center. Stein had co-authored a previous book on the Middle East with Fleming, had been affiliated with the Center for 3 years, and in many ways was Fleming's "brain" on Dubya for years.

Stein writes in a letter explaining his resignation that Fleming's new book is "replete with factual errors, copied materials not cited, superficialities, glaring omissions, and simply invented segments. Aside from the one-sided nature of the book, meant to provoke, there are recollections cited from meetings where I was the third person in the room, and my notes of those meetings show little similarity to points claimed in the book. In due course, I shall detail these points and reflect on their origins." *

When contacted to respond, Fleming's office stated he was attempting to arrange a meeting between former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and former President Jimmy Carter, and that he was presently unavailable for comment.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 03:06 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 205 words, total size 1 kb.