No matter how sincerely you mean it, chanting "Bu$Hitler ChimpHalliburton lied, Fascist babykillers died!" grows tiresome after a while, and even the most ardent America-haters need a break.

Here, Cindy Sheehan signals yet another safety in a pickup football game that pitted "skirts vs. skinheads." One team decided to surrender forfeit after the coin toss, the other team refused and ran up a score of 144-0 in the first half before getting bored and beating up the cheerleaders.

I'll let you guess which team won.

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(Image via AP)

With her conventional anti-Bush protests failing thus far in Crawford, Cindy Sheehan pledges to "Watusi" untli she is granted another meeting with the President.

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As Katrina has made landfall and left a million Floridians without power, it seemed like a perfect time for a re-repost of this post.

Confederate Yankee's Guide to Dealing with Hurricane Season

Days Before the Storm Arrives

1. Move. Seriously, people in Idaho never have to deal with this crap.

2. Get milk and bread. Nobody seems to know exactly why, but I'm pretty sure it's the law.

3. Send Mama and the kids away to her folks for a few days.

4. Go to the beach and grab a seat in the dunes. Huge waves are cool to watch crashing on the beach, and if you're lucky, you can see some idiot from Quebec get swept out to sea. Screaming is funny in French.

5. Go home.

6. Throw all the crap you don't want any more in the yard. If the storm surge comes you can avoid a dumping fee, and if it doesn't, you can use all the debris to convince the guys from FEMA that it did and they'll cut you a big, fat check.

1. Get more beer. Lots of it. If you're living in hurricane country, you might as well make the best of it.

2. Get ice. That way your beer stays cold even if you lose power for a couple of days.

3. Get one of those huge 490-quart Igloo coolers that looks like chest freezer, but bigger. It'll keep your iced beer cold, and can be used as a raft. Put it in the bass boat tied to your back porch.

4. Board up the windows of your trailer. You already have all the boards numbered from last year, so it should be a snap. Put all the crap you really need (rifles, radio, lawn chairs, cans of vienna sausages, etc.) in a big waterproof bag and tie it tightly well off the ground in a nearby tree.

5. Invite your best buddy over. Remind him to bring his cooler.

6. Wait.

Landfall

1. Sit inside and drink beer. Watch that 90-pound girl reporter from the local television news crew get battered by the wind and sideways rain while doing a live report. Take bets on whether or not the cameraman will warn her about that dumpster bearing down behind her. Wonder why he hates her so much. Giggle until you loose power.

2. Put on your lawn ‘n leaf bag and step outside for a smoke. Wow, those 100 MPH lighters really do work.

3. Go out back, get in the boat, and tie a rope around your cooler. Mount up. When the storm surge comes, you can ride that bucking 490-quart beast like a bull.

4. Yee-haw!

5. Float serenely along, drinking more beer. At this point you should have enough beer in you to “contribute to the storm surge,” if you know what I mean.

6. Empty your bladder up-current from that still-screaming guy from Quebec.

7. Thow your empty cans at, err, to him. Empty beer cans are nature's unsung floatation devices. Don't let him get too close though—he smells like piss.

8. Enjoy the ride while it lasts. Likes the French, storm surge always retreats eventually, and you'll be back on land soon enough.

1. Climb off your cooler, hop out of the boat, and immediately start picking up full cans and bottles of beer left over from that convenience store down the street that washed away.

2. If he hasn't stopped screaming yet, an ice-cold beer should encourage “Frenchy” to settle down—especially if you catch him in the temple.

3. When he comes too, have him help pick up beers. If he refuses to work—which you should expect of socialists—simply hum a few bars of “Dueling Banjos.”

4. Deliverance needs no translation.

5. Have “Frenchy” drag your cooler back to your freshly scoured lot and then send him on his way.

6. Retrieve your rifle, radio, lawn chairs, and viennas from that waterproof bag you tied in a tree.

7. Pose for the CNN news crews that come by. They LOVE filming guys guarding nothing from lawn chairs. When Mama sees you on CNN, she and the kids will know you're “ah-ight.”

8. Have a can of viennas and a beer.

9. Wait for FEMA to come by.

10. Listen to the radio. According to the National Weather Service, you'll get to do it all again next week.

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(via AP)

While visiting Camp Lejune, President Bush suddenly realized that the re-enlistment age for Marines had been relaxed a bit too much.

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According to a EiTB News article, "anti-was" advocates held a vigil in front of the White House last night.

"We support Cindy Sheehan indiscriminately, said activist spokesperson Maureen Stewart. "As the mother of a dead soldier, she has absolute moral authority. Anything she says must be right.

“She said George W. Bush is personally responsible for her son's death, so it must be true. She said that America and the Heb—Kik—Israelis are responsible for Islamic terrorism, and they obviously are. So we should pull our troops out of both Iraq and Afghanistan, shrieking loudly if at all possible, even if the Iraqis and Afghanis don't yet want us to. It's for their own good.

"And when Mother Sheehan said to that evil Maniac Resident Chimperor Shrub:

"You tell me the truth. You tell me that my son died for oil. You tell me that my son died to make your friends rich. You tell me my son died to spread the cancer of Pax Americana, imperialism in the Middle East. You tell me that, you don't tell me my son died for freedom and democracy.

Cuz, we're not freer. You're taking away our freedoms. The Iraqi people aren't freer, they're much worse off than before you meddled in their country.

You get America out of Iraq, you get Israel out of Palestine."

"Â…she was speaking truth to power. It was like listening to Jesus. Or Michael Moore."

Sheehan, who compared America to a cancer and called President Bush the "biggest terrorist in the World," has spurred a new movement among the radical left that wish the bastion of terror that is the United States, the "never was" movement.

This "anti-was" faction, back by an anonymous donor who has only been referred to cryptically as "Dr. K," has decided that the best way to undo the damage caused to the world by America's imperialistic love of war and cheap gas (currently $2.85 in many areas) is to undo America, starting with imperialist American elites.

"Towards that end, we are willing to lead by example," said Stewart. "We're advocating that everyone who wants to rid the world of terrorism join the anti-was movement. If the U.S. never was, terrorism would never be."

Preach on, sister.

Various chapters of the anti-was movement are planning a countrywide protest from Chappaqua to Santa Monica in the near future. Final dates and locations have not yet been determined, but free refreshments have been promised to all those who attend.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 08:44 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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"The Man" at GOP and the City has evidence of yet another Google News fraud...

Or does he?

I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm not certain that they had Verdana as a font in 1861. Hey Charles, can you take a look at this?

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 10:58 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I just figured I'd say it before she makes the claim, which I'm sure is every bit as reliable as Cindy Sheehan's real theory that she'll be executed by the Secret Service.

Update: A RETRACTION. Bu$hilter is sending Cindy Sheehan to Abu Ghraib.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 08:12 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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CBS News has chosen the first two participants for its "journalists-of-talent" training program, a program designed to develop a pool of highly qualified producers and correspondents from which CBS affiliates and stations, as well as CBS News, will be able to draw talent. CBS News hires the journalists to work for two years at participating CBS affiliates or CBS NEWSPATH.

The announcement was made by Andrew Heyward, President, CBS News and Linda Mason, Senior Vice President, Standards and Special Projects, CBS News.

Heyward said, "we know this is a pioneering effort of a kind never before displayed in the major media, and we are proud that CBS News is among the first to stretch the envelope."

The "envelope" reportedly contains documents faxed from a Texas Kinko's. *

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 05:40 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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