The first time as tragedy, the second time as farce.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 11:48 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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From QandO, where they can tell a difference between U.S. and Canadian uniforms.

Hey, it could be worse...

She could have instead used the photo of her meeting with this weak-chinned ophthalmologist, with whom she may not be visiting with any more.

(Via Hot Air), where they note that Democrats have a history of not knowing what our uniforms look like.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 11:29 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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For Sale: Prairie Chapel Ranch. 1583 acres, just seven miles northwest of beautiful Crawford, Texas. Seven scenic canyons dot the landscape, and water-lovers will enjoy three miles of frontage along Rainey Creek and the Middle Bosque River. Nature lovers will thrive in the wide open spaces.

The main house is a unique 4,000 sq/ft energy efficient limestone ranch encircled by a impressive ten-foot wide wrap-around porch. Additional quarters include guest houses and Secret Service barracks. Property includes a stocked 11-acre bass pond and large swimming pool. Asking $4,500,000.

Send offers to the email address in the sidebar.

Please note that while the law regards me as an "undocumented owner" of this property, I will graciously accept payment, and I am assured that the present occupant welcomes all "newcomers," regardless of legal contracts or boundary limitations.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 12:03 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Beware the Crackers.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 05:28 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I'm thinking whoever typed in the banner had best be looking for a new job todday. 'cause that sppell checker deal, it ain't working out so hot.

Posted by: phin at 11:22 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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The Air Force officer running Mind in the Qatar has discovered that because of their string of recent and on-going defeats, al Qaeda Sheikh Reidari has called upon bin Laden remove their terrorists from Iraq:

Following the deaths of both Abu Musab Al-zaqawi and Abu Ayyub al-Masri, the decimation of the ranks of Al Qaeda in Iraq, and the growing unpopularity of foreign insurgents among Iraqis, some senior terrorists affiliated with Al Qaeda have called upon Usama Bin Laden to withdraw all of his troops from Iraq by October.

The war in Iraq "is lost" and Al Qaeda attacks are failing to bring an Islamic state to the country, spokesman of the Salafist Group for Preching and Combat, Harry Sheikh Reidari, said Thursday. "I believe ... that this war is lost, and continuing attacks are not accomplishing anything, as is shown by the extreme blows to our network in Iraq recently," Reidari told journalists. "Iraq has diverted resources from our greater 'War on Freedom'. It would be best if we withdrew, leaving only a small force to train Iraqi jihadists, and redeployed our other forces to Afghanistan to continue with a Holy War that everyone can support."

Other al Qaeda leaders, such as Abu Jonjalali al-Murthab, Rhadami Hillab Clintonijhad, and Waleed Jo Bidenami echoed Reidari's call. Mohammed Dheniz Khalidinich even called for Egyptian Ayman al-Zawahiri, bin Laden's second-in-command, to be ousted:

Additionally, leading Abu Sayyaf Group terrorist Mohammed Dheniz Khalidinich changed that Dr. Ayman al-Zawahiri "purposely manipulated information to deceive the al Qaeda rank and file..." Khalidinich said al-Zawahiri did so "by fabricating the idea the U.S. military forces would fold and run once our jihad against them in Iraq got bloody. But today they are still resisting us and sending even more troops to do so. It is clear now that al-Zawahiri knew that this reaction only would happen with a Democratic American President, and he should have known that Bush would not retreat this way. For this failure, he should be removed from al-Qaeda's leadership."

Somehow, this seems errily familiar...

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 09:34 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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From U.S News & World Report:

1. Fred Thompson has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
2. Fred Thompson once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
3. Fred Thompson has counted to infinity. Twice.
4. Fred Thompson is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
5. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Fred Thompson played in second grade.
6. When Fred Thompson goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
7. Fred ThompsonÂ’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
8. When taking the SAT, write "Fred Thompson" for every answer. You will score a 1600.
9. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Fred Thompson. There were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
10. Fred Thompson ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

At least I think that is from U.S News & World Report.

I hired Katie Couric's producer as my fact checker, and now I'm not so sure.* *

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 12:51 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Quagmire!

For years, ATV-riding, gun-toting sport shooters have flouted gun laws in part of Idaho's high desert by taking pot shots at ground squirrels and other animals.
Now, officials say, they're also setting their sights on National Guard tanks that train in the area.

Rifles and pistols have been banned in a 68,000-acre area of the Snake River Birds of Prey National Conservation Area since 1996.

But the federal Bureau of Land Management is considering expanding the gun-restricted area by 41,000 acres to try to limit shootings at Idaho Army National Guard troops who report slugs bouncing off their tanks on a regular basis.

"There's a segment of the shooting community that will shoot at anything that moves," said John Sullivan, the area's manager.

Faced with inadequate manpower and renegades that wonÂ’t respect the rule of law, we must abandon Idaho.

Thee is no word as of yet on whether or not Speaker of the Knessett Nancy Pelosi and Congressman John Murtha have been able to come up with a suitable plan to redeploy the Idaho National Guard.

Pelosi is said to be considering retreating to neighboring Oregon, but is concerned over recent "friendly fire" incidents.

Because of this, Murtha is said to be exploring the option of stationing the Idaho National Guard in Montreal, where a quick reaction force could respond in just one day and 13 hours (at highway driving speeds) to any emergency in Boise.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 11:01 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Just when we least expected it, the Swiss accidentally invaded Liechtenstein:

What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.

According to Swiss daily Blick, the 170 infantry soldiers wandered just over a mile across an unmarked border into the tiny principality early Thursday before realizing their mistake and turning back.

A spokesman for the Swiss army confirmed the story but said that there were unlikely to be any serious repercussions for the mistaken invasion.

Swiss Army knives are apparently far better than Swiss Army compasses.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 02:51 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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By request from one of our men "over there."

Funny how some things haven't changed in all these years.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 06:37 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I just filled up my tank for $1.979/ gallon. Finally, the War for Oil is paying off!

Now, if it will just keep going down to the $1.679 a gallon I was paying before the invasion...

Update: That really ought to help those Two Americas we've heard so much about.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 08:27 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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click to enlarge

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 07:19 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Upon reading that headline, AP Executive Editor Kathleen Carroll probably became faint.

Luckily, that was (or should be) just one of many comments in Ace's Cool Facts About Police Captain Jamil Hussein, which now has about 300 comments, and is still growing.

Many of the comments are crude... and I mean very, not-for-your-kids-to-read crude... but many are laugh-out-loud funny.

My favorite (republishable) comments so far:

Jamil Hussein singlehandedly implemented an ISO 9000 Quality Certification program for Halliburton, over the weekend of Dec. 2-3.

His name does not appear in any of the documentation.

Posted by Dave in Texas at January 2, 2007 04:32 PM

In the early 80's, Jamil Hussein and Barak Hussein Obama ran a truckload of Coors from Texarcana to Altlanta in 24 hours for Big Enos and Little Enos.

Posted by Rosetta at January 2, 2007 04:51 PM

when he drinks he is often heard to say"man, I really miss Tenille".

Posted by mark c. at January 2, 2007 05:35 PM

In grade school, Jamil Hussein started a band called "The Netherwind Pipers" as a childish fart-joke.

You've might know them by their current name -- OPEC.

Posted by ObserverAce at January 2, 2007 10:13 PM

Jammies Hussein thinks Margaret Cho is funny;
and when he's in the audience, she is.

Posted by MikeB at January 3, 2007 12:17 AM

Head on over and add your own.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 01:49 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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In a photo taken several hours from now, Cindy Sheehan reacts to the death of Saddam Hussein... or news that her month-long supply of Jamba Juice supply may have been tainted.

Your call.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 03:04 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Saving lives--even fictional lives--it's just what we do:

BAGHDAD, Iraq Dec 28,2006 (AP) - Just hours after Conservative blogger, Bob Owens expressed concern over the disappearance and fate of Iraqi Police Captain Jamil Hussein, the AP reported that a team of Iraqi police officers found Mr. Hussein inside a closet in a US military barracks, bound and blindfolded with severe lacerations over most of his body. Hussein was apparently beaten by American soldiers and will spend the next several weeks recuperating at his home in Baghdad.

[snip]

Hussein told the Associated Press that he was abducted by a group of US soldiers over a month ago after he personally witnessed them blowing up an Iraqi school bus packed with scores of Iraqi school children. The soldiers, Hussein said, tied him up, blindfolded him and then beat him with lead pipes until he could no longer walk. He was eventually found by Iraqi police officers who quickly rushed him to the AP's main office in Baghdad where he was treated for shock and eventually sent home to recuperate.

According to the AP, Hussein will take a year off from his job as Iraqi police captain to recover from his latest ordeal, but, he'll continue to work part time as a stringer for the AP.

Meanwhile, Hussein said he owes his life to Owens who alerted the AP to look for him.

I'm just glad I could help.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 09:37 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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In a pre-execution embargoed Bob Woodward interview leaked to Confederate Yankee, Former President of Iraq Saddam Hussein made several shocking confessions, including once having his secret police, the Mukhabarat plot the murder of Maury Povich in hopes of one day possessing Connie Chung.

Saddam also confessed to a strong craving for bran... lots and lots of bran.

More as this develops...

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 06:46 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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As I scored the top two results in this Google search, shouldn't I be getting more traffic?

And tips?

Update: Would probably be about like this.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 04:12 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I just a received an email that claims to show photographic proof of the Jamil Hussein/Burning Six story of the Associated Press. Make of it what you will.

Sir,



I must take issue with your attempt to discredit Mr. Jamil Hussein, nonexistent though he may be, regarding his story about six Sunni worshippers who were burned alive outside a bombed mosque. I submit for your review the attached photograph, which clearly shows a Shiite insurgent wielding a gas pump from which spouts fuel that feeds the flames engulfing his Sunni victim. The other five victims, already aflame, are visible in foreground and background amid the rubble of the mosque.

My objection to your criticism of Mr. Hussein, however, arises not from your skepticism over his claim that the men in question were actually Sunnis, or were actually burned, or were actually alive once, or were dead later, or that the attackers who did or did not do the burning were or were not Shiites, or that they did or did not burn the Sunnis who were or were not burned; indeed, I recognize all of these to be points over which reasonable people can in good faith disagree.

(click to enlarge)

Rather, I find it alarming that you fail to fail to reveal the truth that underlies this incident, if it happened: clearly, Mr. Hussein was coerced by U.S. and Israeli agents into suppressing his knowledge that the supposed Shiite incendiary insurgent in the photograph is actually a Mossad operative. In light of this fact, Mr. Hussein's pretended existence is obviously a cover designed to disguise his non-identity and avoid reprisals from the Vast Right Wing Conspirators who blew up the World Trade Center in the mistaken belief that it was actually the United Nations building.

By revealing that Mr. Hussein is not truly Jamil Hussein, but is another non-existent person of a different name, you have "outed" him, making him vulnerable to attack by the same American Jewish interests that used Valerie Plame to attack Karl Rove in order to punish Bush for his too-tepid support for the establishment of a Hebrew-only language policy in the Jew-occupied territories stretching from Brooklyn to Ethiopia. As you know, the Hasidim of Flatbush* oppose the use of Hebrew, instead preferring to use Yiddish in order to hasten the arrival of the Messiah. As this extremist party sees the outbreak of Total War between Jews and Muslims as a precursor to the divine visitation, they surely will not take kindly to Mr. Hussein's deceptions on behalf of liberal Israeli accommodationists. The accommodationists - including the aggressor in the photograph - pose as apostate Jews (though many are actually Christian Phalangist moles), and are known to be inflaming sectarian violence in Iraq. They hope that if things get nasty enough, the U.N. will step in and resolve the conflict before Iran gains dominance. They calculate that an ascendant, nuclear capable Iran would need to surrender unconditionally to Israel in order to restrain itself from launching a pre-emptive nuclear strike on Jerusalem and Tel Aviv that would, in fact, hasten the arrival of the Messiah.

In sum, you, sir, have made it impossible for the person who Mr. Hussein is not to do his work with impunity. By revealing that Mr. Hussein does not exist, you have placed him in mortal danger at the hands of deathmongering moderate Jewish Israelis and Americans whose counterespionage protocols call for the death or subjugation of all non-existent persons.

I hope you're happy.

Cordially,
Jamal Hussein (no relation)
Sandy, Utah, USA

P.S., Should you find yourself needing legal representation over this matter, I kindly refer you to my esteemed associate Ramzi al-Clarkstein Baker'sman McCarterGates. He's not Jewish, but he's still a decent lawyer.

*Note: "FlatBUSH" - mere coincidence?

I'm not certain if Mr. Hussein's claims are accurate, but his explanation sounds every bit as credible as what the Associated Press has offered up as evidence so far.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 07:05 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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Protesting Frank J. Fleming's controversial new book on the President—with the provocative title, "The Chronicles of Dubya Volume 1: The Defeat of Saddam" —Dr. Frank Stein resigned this week from the Fleming Center. Stein had co-authored a previous book on the Middle East with Fleming, had been affiliated with the Center for 3 years, and in many ways was Fleming's "brain" on Dubya for years.

Stein writes in a letter explaining his resignation that Fleming's new book is "replete with factual errors, copied materials not cited, superficialities, glaring omissions, and simply invented segments. Aside from the one-sided nature of the book, meant to provoke, there are recollections cited from meetings where I was the third person in the room, and my notes of those meetings show little similarity to points claimed in the book. In due course, I shall detail these points and reflect on their origins." *

When contacted to respond, Fleming's office stated he was attempting to arrange a meeting between former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and former President Jimmy Carter, and that he was presently unavailable for comment.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 03:06 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Even death does not stop people from converting:

Shahin of the Tucson Islamic Center said more than 1,200 Muslims died in the World Trade Center catastrophe, and no genuine member of Islam would do such a thing.

So, almost half of those killed in New York on 9/11 were Muslims? Neat trick, since Muslims are just 0.6% of the U.S. population.

Oh, and Omar Shahin, the idiot that uttered this? He was one of the six imams booted from a flight at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport last night.

Praise be to Allah.

Posted by: Confederate Yankee at 04:37 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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